How do you unlock the mystery behind your own truths?
‘It is always my fault. I always get the blame for everything.’
Once upon a time, this was my ‘truth’. A truth that kept me a prisoner in many areas of my life. I believed, unknowingly, that everything was always my fault, or at least that I would always be blamed for everything. I had been told this for so many years, that I grew up with this belief and it became one of my personal laws.
We create our own truths, the truths we believe in, the ones by which we live. I call them our own truths, or our personal laws, because these are not natural laws or universal laws. They are not truths because they are fixed and inevitable, or immutable. They are truths because we believe in them and we live by them. But these truths do not necessarily serve us.
How did this translate in my life?
I could name many situations in which I took the blame, and believed I would be found guilty, whether I knew I was or not. A silly example would be buying something, taking the item home and realising it didn’t work, or broke within a couple of days. Instead of returning to the shop to ask for a replacement, or my money back, I simply kept it. Why? Because I believed that I would be blamed for it; I believed that the shopkeeper would find a way of turning the problem onto me. I just couldn’t bear it.
I painfully reverted to the child in me. I decided that I didn’t want to be confronted by someone arguing with me, blaming me and telling me it was my fault.
So, I did nothing and lived with it.
This personal law was damaging my life more than I could imagine
Inarguably, this may sound ludicrous to most adults. Why put up with something broken when you can get a replacement? But my truth was that ‘it was always my fault.’ The problem was that I didn’t even realise I was carrying such a burden, and that this personal law was damaging my life more than I could imagine.
The belief manifested across my whole life. I took the blame when others wronged me. I endured and tolerated the bullying and the criticism because I couldn’t see a way out; I believed that if I tried to stand up for myself, I would be shouted at and told that it was all my fault. I imagined that everybody would share the view that I was a bad person and I deserved my suffering. No matter what was done to me, I endured it with much pain, believing that it was my fault.
The fact is that most of us carry some personal laws that do not belong with us, that do not serve us. Most of us have some deep beliefs about ourselves, our environment, our finances, our state of love, our education, that rule us, that govern who we have become, and who we are at this moment. We do not realise that we are carrying them; we do not realise how damaging these are to us, and to our well-being.
As a teacher and a coach, I hear plenty of personal laws that are robbing people from living a happy life:
• I am not good enough, intelligent enough
• I am not pretty enough.
• I am too stupid for those jobs.
• Poor people don’t do this. Poor people don’t think that.
• It is my responsability to do this.
• People shouldn’t do this at that age.
• A good parent should do this or not do that.
Personal beliefs or laws differ in magnitude and degree depending on each individual, but the fact is that we all have them. And while we might agree and feel in total harmony with some of those truths, the ones that are limiting us and stopping us from exploring life as we desire, should go.
You are the creator of your life, and you can decide what serves you now and what doesn’t.
We grow up believing that we are incapable of being what we want to be, because we were told this often enough as a child.
It is time to do some clearing in your mind and your life; it is time to allow some of those beliefs to clear off.
The chances are that if you tend to sabotage some areas of your life, or react in some ways that deep down do not resonate with who you feel you are, you are doing so through some personal beliefs or laws that do not belong to you or who you want to be.
You create your own life, so do not encumber your path with beliefs, restrictions, laws that do not belong there.
Clear the way for the life you want to live, in the manner you want to live it: with love, acceptance, appreciation, happiness and having fun along the way.